But it's not your fault? Kimbley chose to die, so he died. That was his decision. Thinking you could've done something to stop him or whatever is a really dumb reason to blame yourself. He did what he wanted to do.
[It's easier to keep this less personal, so sorry Kimbley.
But... the rest of it sounds like something he might be able to understand, if he really thinks about it. Something did happen to Tsukiyama and for a little while he wanted to do nothing but hurt the person or people responsible. Then he stopped caring about that and was left feeling really upset because Tsukiyama couldn't feel anything.
It's not the same thing, but it's the closest he has.]
...Is it really all that different if it's something you decide to do...?
[He doesn't really need that answered though, he can imagine it. If Tsukiyama decided he wanted to die and went through with it, wouldn't he be upset? Even if he came back the next day, it would still be worrying. And he could do it again, there's no way to know that he wouldn't. His word wouldn't be good enough.]
I know that. I know he chose to die. I know that he probably would have killed me if I tried to use force to stop him. That doesn't change how I feel.
[But there's a little relief in his expression as Ryuunosuke starts to get it, at least. ...The ice has stopped spreading.]
We don't know why we come back to life, either. There's nothing saying that it will always work. Maybe only a certain amount of people can come back, or maybe it will just malfunction one day. It's a gamble.
[Maybe it is a gamble, but it's safer than doing anything to himself anywhere else. He still doesn't see why Silver feels bad about Kimbley's death. He's trying to understand but it doesn't come easily. Does everyone else feel like this? Why? And just as importantly, why doesn't he get it like everyone else?
It's not useful to dwell on that, so he doesn't. Instead he thinks about Tsukiyama and about what happened after the earthquake, when neither of them wanted to let go.
"Don't ever leave me, all right?"
"You never need to worry about that. I don't want anyone else. I just want to be with you and I'd shut out the whole world if I could because nothing will ever be better than this."
"...Good. You're mine. Nothing is going to take you from me; I mean it when I say that I won't let anyone touch you."
Ryuunosuke exhales slowly and nods.]
Okay. I won't do anything like that. I promise.
[He meant what he said. He's curious about dying, yes, but he doesn't want to hurt Tsukiyama. He can't hurt Tsukiyama. Even if he could hurt Silver (and he feels weird thinking about that, though he's not sure why he feels weird) he can't do that to Tsukiyama.]
Sorry. I... Sometimes I think I'm figuring things out and I understand people and then stuff like this happens and I realize I haven't gotten very far at all.
[It's still cold, but he's trying very hard to block that out.]
[...That feels much better, and the ice around him starts to melt, although no heat rises to replace it.]
It isn't easy. There's a lot of stuff I learned in the past few years, or only learned when I got here. Even when you think you understand people, not everything they do makes sense. And you have to start from total scratch. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
[Now some of the concerned warmth is starting to filter back in.]
You've definitely come a long way. You just helped purify one of the obelisks, remember? Could you have done that when you first got here? If a couple of things have to be explained to you every now and then, that's not a big deal.
...Yeah. Yeah, I definitely couldn't have done it. I think I would've made it worse if I'd tried. So... so I guess I have come a long way...
[...Hang on, he's feeling really weird. Ryuunosuke reaches up to run a hand through his hair and that's when he realizes he's tearing up.]
What...? Oh come on...!
[He rubs the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to get himself to stop.]
What the hell, I'm not even upset...
[He doesn't think he's upset? He still feels really weird though. It's because of something Silver said but he's honestly not sure what's getting this really bizarre reaction. He knows he's changed a lot, so maybe it's the fact that even Silver has had trouble understanding people. He's not completely different in that one way and that's... good? Maybe?
Hell if he knows. But it's making him feel a thing and that's not pleasant. The temperature is fluctuating a bit in response because clearly his emotional reaction is just as confused as he is.]
[Normally he doesn't like hugs, but he's willing to make an exception right now. He settles his hands on Silver's back, though it's still a little awkward because he's bad at this.]
I'm okay, yeah. Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I guess it was good to hear that I'm not the only one who's had trouble with understanding people? That sounds kinda dumb...
[That makes perfect sense, actually. Everyone wants to be understood, right?]
Before I lived in the woods, I was kidnapped. The guy that kidnapped us, he wanted us to be his tools, and we weren't supposed to have emotions. I was two when I was kidnapped, so for a while, all I knew was that and big sis.
[And there's nothing emotionally go to with that; maybe he should be angry or resentful, but he doesn't have it in him anymore.]
It's not the same, but it makes it hard to understand people sometimes, and it made it really hard to learn that feeling things was okay.
[Silver really has had it tough. He probably would have grown up to be a normal person if his situation had been better. That's making him feel weird, he doesn't like it.]
Yeah. It sounds awful. But you're doing pretty well for yourself now!
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greatestcool) wrote2015-09-12 02:14 pm
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[It's easier to keep this less personal, so sorry Kimbley.
But... the rest of it sounds like something he might be able to understand, if he really thinks about it. Something did happen to Tsukiyama and for a little while he wanted to do nothing but hurt the person or people responsible. Then he stopped caring about that and was left feeling really upset because Tsukiyama couldn't feel anything.
It's not the same thing, but it's the closest he has.]
...Is it really all that different if it's something you decide to do...?
[He doesn't really need that answered though, he can imagine it. If Tsukiyama decided he wanted to die and went through with it, wouldn't he be upset? Even if he came back the next day, it would still be worrying. And he could do it again, there's no way to know that he wouldn't. His word wouldn't be good enough.]
I... I think I get it? Kind of?
[He looks very lost. But he's trying!!]
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[But there's a little relief in his expression as Ryuunosuke starts to get it, at least. ...The ice has stopped spreading.]
We don't know why we come back to life, either. There's nothing saying that it will always work. Maybe only a certain amount of people can come back, or maybe it will just malfunction one day. It's a gamble.
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It's not useful to dwell on that, so he doesn't. Instead he thinks about Tsukiyama and about what happened after the earthquake, when neither of them wanted to let go.
"Don't ever leave me, all right?"
"You never need to worry about that. I don't want anyone else. I just want to be with you and I'd shut out the whole world if I could because nothing will ever be better than this."
"...Good. You're mine. Nothing is going to take you from me; I mean it when I say that I won't let anyone touch you."
Ryuunosuke exhales slowly and nods.]
Okay. I won't do anything like that. I promise.
[He meant what he said. He's curious about dying, yes, but he doesn't want to hurt Tsukiyama. He can't hurt Tsukiyama. Even if he could hurt Silver (and he feels weird thinking about that, though he's not sure why he feels weird) he can't do that to Tsukiyama.]
Sorry. I... Sometimes I think I'm figuring things out and I understand people and then stuff like this happens and I realize I haven't gotten very far at all.
[It's still cold, but he's trying very hard to block that out.]
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It isn't easy. There's a lot of stuff I learned in the past few years, or only learned when I got here. Even when you think you understand people, not everything they do makes sense. And you have to start from total scratch. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
[Now some of the concerned warmth is starting to filter back in.]
You've definitely come a long way. You just helped purify one of the obelisks, remember? Could you have done that when you first got here? If a couple of things have to be explained to you every now and then, that's not a big deal.
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[...Hang on, he's feeling really weird. Ryuunosuke reaches up to run a hand through his hair and that's when he realizes he's tearing up.]
What...? Oh come on...!
[He rubs the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to get himself to stop.]
What the hell, I'm not even upset...
[He doesn't think he's upset? He still feels really weird though. It's because of something Silver said but he's honestly not sure what's getting this really bizarre reaction. He knows he's changed a lot, so maybe it's the fact that even Silver has had trouble understanding people. He's not completely different in that one way and that's... good? Maybe?
Hell if he knows. But it's making him feel a thing and that's not pleasant. The temperature is fluctuating a bit in response because clearly his emotional reaction is just as confused as he is.]
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[He doesn't know, that's a stupid question. Come on. Do something. That something is going to be a hug today; it's tight but not uncomfortably so.]
Are you okay? ...What did I say?
[Please don't cry-]
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I'm okay, yeah. Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I guess it was good to hear that I'm not the only one who's had trouble with understanding people? That sounds kinda dumb...
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[That makes perfect sense, actually. Everyone wants to be understood, right?]
Before I lived in the woods, I was kidnapped. The guy that kidnapped us, he wanted us to be his tools, and we weren't supposed to have emotions. I was two when I was kidnapped, so for a while, all I knew was that and big sis.
[And there's nothing emotionally go to with that; maybe he should be angry or resentful, but he doesn't have it in him anymore.]
It's not the same, but it makes it hard to understand people sometimes, and it made it really hard to learn that feeling things was okay.
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[Silver really has had it tough. He probably would have grown up to be a normal person if his situation had been better. That's making him feel weird, he doesn't like it.]
Yeah. It sounds awful. But you're doing pretty well for yourself now!
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[But some of his flowers are starting to pop out of the sand, so something's going well.]
I love being here. I'm surrounded by good friends, I'm never lonely, I get to do normal stuff like having a job and living in a house...
[And no one's going to use him or hurt him because of who his father is, and that's cause enough for appreciation.]
You're doing really well too. And when you're not, well, that's why you've got friends to support you.
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Yeah, I know. I wouldn't have all of this back home, so I really am glad I'm here. Thanks. I really don't know what came over me... I'm alright!
[He means it! He's not crying anymore, at least.]
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[He'll let go of Ryuunosuke now, satisfied that he's... Well, mostly okay? He seems okay.]
You wanna go for one more round? ...But you can't make it weird.
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[no, this is entirely your fault, ryuunosuke]
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[But if he does, don't be weird--!]
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Okay. One more time, then!
[HE'LL TRY VERY HARD NOT TO MAKE IT WEIRD]
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And then they continued to skydive until Ryuunosuke made it weird.]