[Sometimes Silver has a serious face because that's kind of just his face, and sometimes he's doing his damn best to look as neutral as possible because feelings are hard.
Right now is the latter, and he's not letting go of Ryuunosuke, even as they reach the shore.]
[Just saying he cares about Ryuunosuke isn't going to paint a picture.]
You heard that Kimbley jumped off the island, didn't you? He's... We talk sometimes. We're not very close, but I like talking to him. And that really messed me up.
[And it's messing him up right now, in fact; ice is climbing right up his shoes and up his pants.]
I can't imagine how bad it would be if it was you. If you do something like that, I'll never forgive you.
[he could threaten to beat him up, but he'd like that, and he could threaten to never speak to him again, but that's a lie.]
Yeah, I talked to him about that. He said it wasn't pleasant. He wouldn't do it again, but he wanted to know what it was like to die.
[Ryuunosuke still doesn't see any fault with that. If you can come back after it why wouldn't you want to experience death at least once? It's something you're not supposed to get to come back from. He's watched people die so many times but he could experience it here. Falling off the island apparently isn't the way to go, but if he likes pain then who knows. Maybe he'd enjoy that.
He doesn't feel anything about most of that, but for some reason the temperature is dropping anyway.]
He came back, so I don't really get what the problem is. And it's not like I want to die, not permanently! I've got a lot of really good things and people here and I don't want to lose any of that.
[But he's curious. That's normal, isn't it? Aren't most people curious about what death is like? That's why people are so fascinated with the horror genre in general. Because no one wants to experience it, but it's still interesting.]
[He's quiet while he thinks about it, head tipped.]
Depends, I guess? Why did they stab you? Who are they? Is it a fatal wound? If it is, is this taking place here, where you'll come back?
[...silver does not deserve this.]
I honestly don't know. It's not like I'm the sort of person who would swear revenge or anything like that. I still don't really experience anger. I've only felt it a few times, I think.
It's a pretty intense emotion. Makes it hard to think straight.
[At least Ryuunosuke won't be hurt if anything ever happens to him.]
Most people would be furious and upset if that happened to someone they care about. Even if they'll heal. You just don't want to see your loved ones hurt. Ever. And death just makes it worse, even if you come back.
When someone's to blame, at least you can direct your anger at them. If it's an accident, you have the understanding that it's an accident. But you can't do that when someone hurts themselves. You're angry and upset, and those emotions have nowhere to go, but now you feel helpless and useless too. Like you could have done something more. It's your fault they died.
And the worst part of it happening here is that you can't trust that it won't happen again.
[...There's ice forming and building on Silver's face at this point, but despite everything, he seems pretty calm...?]
But it's not your fault? Kimbley chose to die, so he died. That was his decision. Thinking you could've done something to stop him or whatever is a really dumb reason to blame yourself. He did what he wanted to do.
[It's easier to keep this less personal, so sorry Kimbley.
But... the rest of it sounds like something he might be able to understand, if he really thinks about it. Something did happen to Tsukiyama and for a little while he wanted to do nothing but hurt the person or people responsible. Then he stopped caring about that and was left feeling really upset because Tsukiyama couldn't feel anything.
It's not the same thing, but it's the closest he has.]
...Is it really all that different if it's something you decide to do...?
[He doesn't really need that answered though, he can imagine it. If Tsukiyama decided he wanted to die and went through with it, wouldn't he be upset? Even if he came back the next day, it would still be worrying. And he could do it again, there's no way to know that he wouldn't. His word wouldn't be good enough.]
I know that. I know he chose to die. I know that he probably would have killed me if I tried to use force to stop him. That doesn't change how I feel.
[But there's a little relief in his expression as Ryuunosuke starts to get it, at least. ...The ice has stopped spreading.]
We don't know why we come back to life, either. There's nothing saying that it will always work. Maybe only a certain amount of people can come back, or maybe it will just malfunction one day. It's a gamble.
[Maybe it is a gamble, but it's safer than doing anything to himself anywhere else. He still doesn't see why Silver feels bad about Kimbley's death. He's trying to understand but it doesn't come easily. Does everyone else feel like this? Why? And just as importantly, why doesn't he get it like everyone else?
It's not useful to dwell on that, so he doesn't. Instead he thinks about Tsukiyama and about what happened after the earthquake, when neither of them wanted to let go.
"Don't ever leave me, all right?"
"You never need to worry about that. I don't want anyone else. I just want to be with you and I'd shut out the whole world if I could because nothing will ever be better than this."
"...Good. You're mine. Nothing is going to take you from me; I mean it when I say that I won't let anyone touch you."
Ryuunosuke exhales slowly and nods.]
Okay. I won't do anything like that. I promise.
[He meant what he said. He's curious about dying, yes, but he doesn't want to hurt Tsukiyama. He can't hurt Tsukiyama. Even if he could hurt Silver (and he feels weird thinking about that, though he's not sure why he feels weird) he can't do that to Tsukiyama.]
Sorry. I... Sometimes I think I'm figuring things out and I understand people and then stuff like this happens and I realize I haven't gotten very far at all.
[It's still cold, but he's trying very hard to block that out.]
[...That feels much better, and the ice around him starts to melt, although no heat rises to replace it.]
It isn't easy. There's a lot of stuff I learned in the past few years, or only learned when I got here. Even when you think you understand people, not everything they do makes sense. And you have to start from total scratch. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
[Now some of the concerned warmth is starting to filter back in.]
You've definitely come a long way. You just helped purify one of the obelisks, remember? Could you have done that when you first got here? If a couple of things have to be explained to you every now and then, that's not a big deal.
...Yeah. Yeah, I definitely couldn't have done it. I think I would've made it worse if I'd tried. So... so I guess I have come a long way...
[...Hang on, he's feeling really weird. Ryuunosuke reaches up to run a hand through his hair and that's when he realizes he's tearing up.]
What...? Oh come on...!
[He rubs the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to get himself to stop.]
What the hell, I'm not even upset...
[He doesn't think he's upset? He still feels really weird though. It's because of something Silver said but he's honestly not sure what's getting this really bizarre reaction. He knows he's changed a lot, so maybe it's the fact that even Silver has had trouble understanding people. He's not completely different in that one way and that's... good? Maybe?
Hell if he knows. But it's making him feel a thing and that's not pleasant. The temperature is fluctuating a bit in response because clearly his emotional reaction is just as confused as he is.]
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greatestcool) wrote2015-09-12 02:14 pm
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[A stray shock gets him to twitch and the heat immediately rises again in response.]
That feels really nice...
[ryuunosuke uryuu you goddamn disaster please leave silver out of this]
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[...The electricity? Which is uh. Dying down now, because Silver is so fucking lost right now.]
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[ :c ]
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[And Silver's warming things up now, but it's that cozy concerned warmth.]
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[...............]
Oh.
[WELL IT TOOK HIM LONG ENOUGH.]
Um. It's nothing, don't worry about it!
[hahaha... haha... hah............]
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[...We are flying in the damn air together, there is no escape from this conversation.]
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Well, uh... um. It's because... uh...
[help]
I like pain?
[well this explains why he liked being bruised by tsukiyama so much...]
But uh, that's not important!
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[Pain hurts. You're not supposed to like pain. What gives?]
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[HELP]
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...And then it very abruptly gets frigid, but at the same time, that warm and comforting feeling is still there? They're at odds with each other.]
I guess not.
[Honchkrow's flying back to shore now.]
As long as you don't want to die, I guess it's fine.
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C-Can we just never mention this again? Ever?
[PLEASE SPARE HIM
You're also not getting a response about death because he really doesn't want to think about it.]
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[Sometimes Silver has a serious face because that's kind of just his face, and sometimes he's doing his damn best to look as neutral as possible because feelings are hard.
Right now is the latter, and he's not letting go of Ryuunosuke, even as they reach the shore.]
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[Right? Right. Definitely right. Absolutely.
...But now he's going to be thinking about it.]
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[Maybe Ryuunosuke isn't that screwed up, and if he isn't, then good.
But Kimbley just jumped off the damn island, and he isn't here for this in the slightest.]
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Okay.
[Things are settling back to normal on his end. He's not apathetic though, so it's maybe a bit cooler.]
I promise, alright? You don't have to get so worked up.
[He could always break the promise anyway. Not that he wants to really think about it right now, of course!]
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[Just saying he cares about Ryuunosuke isn't going to paint a picture.]
You heard that Kimbley jumped off the island, didn't you? He's... We talk sometimes. We're not very close, but I like talking to him. And that really messed me up.
[And it's messing him up right now, in fact; ice is climbing right up his shoes and up his pants.]
I can't imagine how bad it would be if it was you. If you do something like that, I'll never forgive you.
[he could threaten to beat him up, but he'd like that, and he could threaten to never speak to him again, but that's a lie.]
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[Ryuunosuke still doesn't see any fault with that. If you can come back after it why wouldn't you want to experience death at least once? It's something you're not supposed to get to come back from. He's watched people die so many times but he could experience it here. Falling off the island apparently isn't the way to go, but if he likes pain then who knows. Maybe he'd enjoy that.
He doesn't feel anything about most of that, but for some reason the temperature is dropping anyway.]
He came back, so I don't really get what the problem is. And it's not like I want to die, not permanently! I've got a lot of really good things and people here and I don't want to lose any of that.
[But he's curious. That's normal, isn't it? Aren't most people curious about what death is like? That's why people are so fascinated with the horror genre in general. Because no one wants to experience it, but it's still interesting.]
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It's a normal day. Everything seems fine. You hear a knock on your door, and when you open it, I'm there, and someone's stabbed me in the stomach.
What do you want to do to that person?
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Depends, I guess? Why did they stab you? Who are they? Is it a fatal wound? If it is, is this taking place here, where you'll come back?
[...silver does not deserve this.]
I honestly don't know. It's not like I'm the sort of person who would swear revenge or anything like that. I still don't really experience anger. I've only felt it a few times, I think.
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[At least Ryuunosuke won't be hurt if anything ever happens to him.]
Most people would be furious and upset if that happened to someone they care about. Even if they'll heal. You just don't want to see your loved ones hurt. Ever. And death just makes it worse, even if you come back.
When someone's to blame, at least you can direct your anger at them. If it's an accident, you have the understanding that it's an accident. But you can't do that when someone hurts themselves. You're angry and upset, and those emotions have nowhere to go, but now you feel helpless and useless too. Like you could have done something more. It's your fault they died.
And the worst part of it happening here is that you can't trust that it won't happen again.
[...There's ice forming and building on Silver's face at this point, but despite everything, he seems pretty calm...?]
If not for me, don't do that to Tsukiyama.
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[It's easier to keep this less personal, so sorry Kimbley.
But... the rest of it sounds like something he might be able to understand, if he really thinks about it. Something did happen to Tsukiyama and for a little while he wanted to do nothing but hurt the person or people responsible. Then he stopped caring about that and was left feeling really upset because Tsukiyama couldn't feel anything.
It's not the same thing, but it's the closest he has.]
...Is it really all that different if it's something you decide to do...?
[He doesn't really need that answered though, he can imagine it. If Tsukiyama decided he wanted to die and went through with it, wouldn't he be upset? Even if he came back the next day, it would still be worrying. And he could do it again, there's no way to know that he wouldn't. His word wouldn't be good enough.]
I... I think I get it? Kind of?
[He looks very lost. But he's trying!!]
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[But there's a little relief in his expression as Ryuunosuke starts to get it, at least. ...The ice has stopped spreading.]
We don't know why we come back to life, either. There's nothing saying that it will always work. Maybe only a certain amount of people can come back, or maybe it will just malfunction one day. It's a gamble.
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It's not useful to dwell on that, so he doesn't. Instead he thinks about Tsukiyama and about what happened after the earthquake, when neither of them wanted to let go.
"Don't ever leave me, all right?"
"You never need to worry about that. I don't want anyone else. I just want to be with you and I'd shut out the whole world if I could because nothing will ever be better than this."
"...Good. You're mine. Nothing is going to take you from me; I mean it when I say that I won't let anyone touch you."
Ryuunosuke exhales slowly and nods.]
Okay. I won't do anything like that. I promise.
[He meant what he said. He's curious about dying, yes, but he doesn't want to hurt Tsukiyama. He can't hurt Tsukiyama. Even if he could hurt Silver (and he feels weird thinking about that, though he's not sure why he feels weird) he can't do that to Tsukiyama.]
Sorry. I... Sometimes I think I'm figuring things out and I understand people and then stuff like this happens and I realize I haven't gotten very far at all.
[It's still cold, but he's trying very hard to block that out.]
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It isn't easy. There's a lot of stuff I learned in the past few years, or only learned when I got here. Even when you think you understand people, not everything they do makes sense. And you have to start from total scratch. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?
[Now some of the concerned warmth is starting to filter back in.]
You've definitely come a long way. You just helped purify one of the obelisks, remember? Could you have done that when you first got here? If a couple of things have to be explained to you every now and then, that's not a big deal.
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[...Hang on, he's feeling really weird. Ryuunosuke reaches up to run a hand through his hair and that's when he realizes he's tearing up.]
What...? Oh come on...!
[He rubs the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to get himself to stop.]
What the hell, I'm not even upset...
[He doesn't think he's upset? He still feels really weird though. It's because of something Silver said but he's honestly not sure what's getting this really bizarre reaction. He knows he's changed a lot, so maybe it's the fact that even Silver has had trouble understanding people. He's not completely different in that one way and that's... good? Maybe?
Hell if he knows. But it's making him feel a thing and that's not pleasant. The temperature is fluctuating a bit in response because clearly his emotional reaction is just as confused as he is.]
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